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Writer's pictureTalia Brandman

The Pain (of loss)

In recent years I've noticed that there is some core sense of grief that is similar across all my experiences of loss - whether it's a relationship that ended, the loss of a loved one, leaving a place I felt attached to, or the loss of a beloved pet. It's that sense of being coated in sorrow, and thinking, even if only for a moment, "what's the point?". I bet you've felt that at least once in your life. This ever-so-human mental state is reflected in my song The Pain.


Watch the new music video, or listen to it anywhere you get your music, through this link.


But the mere fact I could write a song about it shows there was more than just pain. Complete hopelessness doesn't result in the creation of art.


A couple years ago, after ending a very meaningful relationship, I was looking to learn more about this process of grief, rather than just getting lost in it. I started reading, and down the rabbit hole I went (I'm as curious as the cat, which is both a blessing and a curse)... My favorite was David Kessler's theory that adds a sixth stage to the famous 5 stages of grief (the Kübler-Ross model): denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. The sixth stage is finding meaning.


Not meaning in the sense of "everything happens for a reason" but a much wider definition of meaning, which allows you to grow from pain. Maybe it's finding meaning in the time you had together with that loved one, or something you've learned about yourself, or maybe it's something good you find yourself doing as a result of that experience of loss. For the guy who came up with this theory, explaining it to the world in a book was his way of finding meaning. For me, writing a song. And for you?

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